Work wise, it's still pretty slow. We picked up two new investigators. Both are people Elder Smith and I taught a few months back. One of them feels like he's different now, and the other, I'm not sure. We'll see.
We've had a lot of disappearing investigators, investigators unwilling to fulfill commitments, and miracles that then don't lead anywhere special in the end. I feel like we're all a little spiritually burned out. But like we all do, or are supposed to do, we are keeping our "eye single to the glory of God" ~D&C 4:5
This week there was a lot of self reflection. It was one of those weeks where I came to be aware of every little thing that I could possibly do better. Having such a slow time, I find myself asking myself constantly: What are we not doing? Why are miracles happening in all the district except here? Are we lacking faith?
I believe yesterday I came to a bit of a realization. One of my goals all along was to be able to trust God more. So why would I be upset if God is giving me this chance to grow? I sometimes feel like God's will is conflicting with itself. Does he want baptisms or does he want me to grow? I'm sure every missionary would tell you that the times they learn the most about themselves is in the toughest times when things feel like a total drought.
Then at the same time, I think about all the things that have been going for us. We've been able to run into some really cool people, have some great first impressions, then have everything fall apart or have them constantly running away. This week I realized that God has been leading us to people that could be prepared, but then they choose not to be. "...nevertheless, they shall return again to their own place, to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received." ~D&C 88:32
So recently, we've tried a lot that hasn't worked, and Einstein teaches us that it would be insane to keep doing the same thing, so we're going to be trying to switch things up a bit. Being in a leadership position, I feel like the numbers I put up have to be an example, but despite all the effort, it's just not working. So ya, I still have many questions going in my mind all the time, but I feel like everything's okay. Not sure what God has planned, but He's always got something in mind.
"...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." ~D&C 122:7
Another talk that I read that helped a ton was "But for a Small Moment" by Elder Maxwell. (thanks, Mom) I only understand about half of it, but the stuff I do understand is fantastic!
"...past, present, and future, and are continually before the Lord" (D&C 130:7) So, he knows what our future self is going to be. So what he's doing now in all of our lives--He's putting us through the things we need to be able to become what he knows we need to become.
I love you all and thank you all for the prayers.
p.s. Evidently, there has been a problem lately with chinches (bed bugs) mission-wide. President has asked all of us to caulk any cracks in our bed frames so they can't hide there. I know the sisters in our district have had some problems with them; but so far, we have not picked up any...thankfully!!!