Monday, September 16, 2013
Time to Cast All Doubt Aside
Hello friends and family. Transfers. I am...wait for it...STAYING! By the time I finish this next transfer, I would have been here for about 7 months. As far as I see it, it's basically guaranteed that I'll be gone this next transfer. I've seen the pattern that the trainer leaves after the 12 weeks is over. So it's time to make the most of the time left. There have been some big changes in our district caused by the lack of cars. The zone leaders, who used to roam the whole ward, have moved to a different ward. So good news, we picked up all of the zone leaders' investigators in our area (and they had a few solid ones). Bad news, everyone's areas were rearranged, and we lost part of our area that I absolutely LOVED. But a smaller area is definitely a good thing. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed about how big our area is.
I'm a little low on time, so I'm going to cheat a bit and copy part of my letter to President:
"These last 2 months have been pretty trying for me. My patience was tried more than anything. Last night, as I was talking with Elder Alvarenga, I expressed some of my concerns. I feel like I haven't been living up to my own expectations. I was feeling accountable for the lack of success we have had in the past weeks. My mind had been slipping into the deadly "what-ifs." What if it doesn't change? What if I'm not good enough? At the same time, I was trying to be a good example for Elder Marchan in always going out there are working despite the lack of success.
"He helped me realize that, yes, these last few months have been pretty bad, but to doubt that the Lord will not help is absurd. Over the last few months, I slipped into the thoughts "I gotta do this," "I need to accomplish this," "I have some high expectations," "I need to get this done." Slowly, I took God out of the picture, and Elder Alvarenga helped me realize that. I was focused on what I wanted me to be, not what God wanted me to be. I am still trying to capture the vision of what God wants me to become.
"On looking ahead to the coming transfer, a six-week period never has felt like such a long time to me. I feel like we can genuinely turn around EVERYTHING before the end of October. I feel like it's time to get some righteous revenge. It's time to cast all doubt aside. I'm excited to get out there and get done what the Lord wants to get done, and not what I want to get done. I got a glimpse of what God wants the area to be, not what I want it to be."
So ya, I'm stoked and expecting to see some crazy awesome stuff in the coming weeks. I'm feeling a kind of fire I don't think I've felt before. It's gonna be fun.
Love and kindness,